‘Tis the season when struggling screenwriters across Los Angeles will pack their bags, board an airplane, and someday soon find themselves sitting in front of family members, trying to paraphrase what it is that they DO. And not just the writers—creative folk all throughout the industry come up against a wall when trying to explain their work to non-film folk in those towns we all left behind after high school. Most annoying, everyone thinks they understand Hollywood after last month’s Netflix-binge of Entourage, and everyone judges your success by one variable—money.
If you’re not knee-deep in Maseratis—you’re probably doing something wrong.
Two months ago, I delved into this subject matter in the post What The Hell Is A Semi-Professional? But in these tough economic times, the issue is more pressing than ever:
What the DOUBLE-hell do we think we’re doing tapping out stories and sipping coffee all day in the middle of an economic MELTDOWN? I mean—seriously. Isn’t it time to give up the dream, roll up that six-foot Chinatown poster hanging over your bed, and finally move yourself back to Connecticut?
No.
Instead, you need to find a NEW WAY TO EXPLAIN SCREENWRITING to your family.
‘Cause let’s face it—the old ways aren’t working. If you try to explain to Cousin Jack that writing takes TIME, and that the film industry has never been harder to break into than it is TODAY—it sounds like you’re making up excuses. If you tell people your script is in development with a big company, they want to know WHEN it will be in theatres—and when you can’t give a day, you may as well draw a big fat “L” on your forehead. And if you’re suffering for CASH while scheduled pitches are being pushed to infinity and beyond—come on now. Is this whole writing thing really the best use of your time?
I’ve always appreciated Mark Twain’s quote on professional writing:
“Write without pay until somebody offers to pay you. If nobody offers
within three years, sawing wood is what you were intended for.”
within three years, sawing wood is what you were intended for.”
It’s still true—except swap three years for TEN, and ‘sawing wood’ for ‘brewing coffee.’
The truth is, Hollywood has been INUNDATED by writers in recent decades, and even the most-skilled amongst us must overcome significant hurdles of time, money, and pride to get to the top of this industry. Read the post Hurry Up and WAIT to see my views on the role of PATIENCE in the lives of newbie screenwriters. But this is simply what’s required. The process is tedious, it’s difficult, and at times it’s no fun at all—but there are few writers now on top who did not first wind their way down this bumpy path. You WILL make it if you keep working—and all those delays, setbacks, and cash-strapped months will be little more than bricks on your road to success.
But what to tell the fam’ in the interim?
Here’s my suggestion: Write down, and email a ‘progress report’ to everyone before you get home. Keep it short, and focus only on the positive. Use familiar lingo from Entourage, and avoid terms that require further explanation, such as “development,” “pitch” and “turnaround.” Use finite, easily-understandable phrases to describe any recent successes, and summarize what you do in a week. For example:
If you have a screenplay that has been optioned to a production company, is currently in development, but temporarily shelved while that company films a TV pilot in Hawaii, tell the fam’:
I sold a script, and it will be shot next year.
Or, if you sold a pilot pitch, and are just starting into the actual script with a year of development ahead of you:
I am writing a new show, and it will be shot next year.
Try to foresee people’s questions, and answer them in your email. When will it be shot? Aren’t you excited? What’s your screenplay about?
For instance:
Hello Family!
I’ll be seeing all of you in a few weeks, but I thought I’d write to you now and let you know what I am up to!
Things have been going great in Hollywood. I sold a movie script about a boy who can fly, and it looks like it will be shot next year. I’m also writing a new TV show, and hope to have it finished by this summer. In general, I spend about 40 hours per week writing, and another 5-10 hours in meetings. Otherwise, life is good—I’m still dating Sarah, and my dog Chuck is cuter than ever.
Can’t wait to see you—
Henry
Yes—some friends and relatives will see this email and want to know MORE. They’ll want to know HOW that boy can fly, and what your TV show is about. But by sending off this email up-front, you’ve setup those discussions on your own terms. You’ve DESIGNED the questions people are gonna ask, and can be ready to answer them quickly. No one’s asking you about the money, the development process, or what ‘turnaround’ means—they’re talking to you about the interesting stuff—the STORIES in your scripts.
So, that’s my two cents. If you’re already home for the holidays, it’s never too late to shoot off that email. Just push aside the cookie platter, plop yourself down, and shoot it out. Trust me—your family will feel INCLUDED in your life, and you will be off the hook for a stream of discussions you’d rather avoid!
